Church, what does it consist of? Is it a building, band, or a pastor? In my mind, when I think of the church I picture a building or service; however, in reading the Bible, you realize this is NOT what Jesus was referring to. As Francis Chan states, “If Jesus was on the earth right now, and you asked him, “Hey, where is the church?” He is not going to give you an address or point to a building.” In pondering the question, I realized the church is deeper and more profound than we think. It is not a building or structure, but the collective followers or believers who fear God, follow Him, and are filled with his Spirit.
This collective group is called into fellowship by Jesus who calls us out of individualism and into community to form true relationships with one another. This is achieved by sharing basic human needs such as housing, money, food, transportation and material goods. It is also accomplished by sharing our time, heart, joys, fears, companionship, friendship, love and more. So many times I have treated fellowship as an after thought. It has never occurred to me how important it is to be a part of God’s family and body.
Did you ever have or remember the fellowship hall at your church? This was usually the gathering place for a potluck after the Sunday morning service or a place for sharing family fun, sporting activities and more. In Acts 4:32 it says, “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.” This is what Jesus defined as fellowship. Isn’t this different from a potluck or a church softball game?
Francis Chan tells a story about a gang member who after repeated visits to his church and hearing the Word surrendered to Jesus. He was baptized, but after some time stopped attending. He later ran into a church member who asked where he had been. To this, he responded, “When I was baptized, I thought it was going to be like what happened when I got jumped into the gang. Suddenly when I was a part of the gang everyone had my back. We became family 24/7. So when I got baptized, I thought it was going to happen the same way with the Christians. But what I didn’t know was that it was just for Sunday mornings, and Wednesday nights. I thought we were going to be family. But I think I was wrong.”
The problem with this scenario and for the church is that he was right. It hurts to hear that a gang member who was lost and came to the knowledge of Christ was ultimately lost because he realized the church was far from true fellowship. This brother felt he was not brought into what was supposed to be his new family. It’s a scary realization that in this case the gang portrayed a better family unit than God’s church!
Yet, unity isn’t normal these days. We live in a time when people are so quick to ditch each other and walk out on relationships. God is calling us to be above our culture, to be in fellowship and in community. Though we are imperfect, at the end of the day it is about forgiving one another and showing the power of grace that keeps the body strong. This demonstration should show the power of fellowship to those who are not a part of God’s church body and community.
There is something about our unity that makes the message believable, yet many would rather do it on their own because they feel it is easier than having to put up with different personalities or arguments. It is easier to think, “let me just have my own relationship with God”, but that is not what Jesus created us for. Our mission to the world is to show Jesus by living as one, so the body may move together in unison. We weren’t created to do God’s mission on our own. I need you and you need me, so anyone saying, “I have a relationship with God; I don’t need the church, or these little gatherings.” is not only missing out on fellowship, but I dare to say may be lost. After all Jesus said, “I will build my church and the gates of hell won’t stand against it.” He calls us to congregate, so we don’t have to go at it alone. So the question is, do you want to be apart of this community, family, and unity or do you want to continue to live in insolation?
I challenge you to help strengthen your church, your community, and to pursue unity. We are the church and we need each other to function properly as the body of Christ moving as one in mission and in purpose. Potlucks and sporting events are great ways to become closer to forming a tight community, but it has nothing to do with the way Jesus intended fellowship to strengthen and mature His church in love, service and relationship to one another. Only this way will the church take its spiritual place and leadership, so that hell itself cannot stand against it.
Russell Gaither
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Listening To God In The Desert
Alison Haupt challenges us to continue to pursue Jesus in the late stages of the summer even though we are away from our community.
I know that the summer is often one of the hardest times of the year for so many of us as we are away from our campus community and thrown back into our home environments which for some are great and amazing and for others are challenging and difficult. I know for me, whenever I am away from the community in which I experience God with the most, it feels hard to hear him, it feels hard to know he is there, to feel his presence and to believe that he can still speak to me.
I think that hearing God is something I have always had to work at in my life. I think when I first became a believer, I felt like I would begin to hear God with a megaphone and that everything would suddenly become extra clear to me, but unfortunately that has not been my experience. I have heard from God and do hear from him, but it is always something that I need to work at and it is not because God is not speaking, but that I am having a hard time listening.
I have come to realize that the reason it becomes hard for me to hear God when I am not around community, is not only because I hear God through them at times, but the truth is that the community helps me strip away all the unnecessary sound waves that get in the way of hearing God’s voice in the midst of all the noise in my life and helps me to focus on Jesus and allows me to hear him most clearly. This is one reason of many why a community of believers has become so important to me and why I have given my life to see that very thing created on college campuses because I want so badly for people to hear God the way I have been able to hear him and know that having a community around us spurring us on towards him is a crucial element of that. My life would be so different without this.
I am sure some of us have felt a little strained this summer to hear God, to know he is there because our community on campus that we are used to experiencing God together in has been fragmented and I hope that some of you have been able to find a community back home to connect with and to connect with God through, but I know that can be much easier said than done.
I remember being home at my parents house for the summer after having such strong encounters with God during the school year and feeling empty, feeling like I don’t know how to follow Jesus here, feeling like I was slipping back into old patterns and struggles, feeling like I couldn’t hear God and I had gone from being in a rich rainforest with so much life and was transported to a desert. I do remember though having some deep encounters with God even in those desert moments. I remember some mornings devoting time to spend with God before going to work and praying for my family and getting to see God use me in special ways, I remember God using me to have spiritual conversations with co-workers at my summer job. I remember visiting different churches in my hometown just to get a taste of how others worshiped and to try to find a community. Most of all, I just remember when I would take time to be silent and still before Jesus him speaking to me in subtle and simple, yet profound ways. I had poor discipline in my walk with Jesus and the times with him were so sporadic, but they were still rich and powerful and it was Jesus who sustained me through the time I had to live separate from my core spiritual community.
Although I believe with everything in me, that Jesus calls us to be in community with one another and worship him and do mission out of that community. There are times when we are away from community for a season and I still believe that God wants to speak to us in those times and show us more of himself and use us in the lives of others as well. I know that Jesus is everywhere because I have been in some dark places, but I know that even in that Jesus was there so I trust that regardless of how desert like our life feels, that he is still there wanting to speak to us if we are willing to listen.
I encourage you as the summer comes to a close to find places of silence to be before Jesus, to read his word and simply to listen to whatever he may want to say to you. I encourage you to look for ways to pursue Jesus in the environment you find yourself at home, at work, traveling, or wherever you may be. And I encourage you to stay connected to each other in our community in any way that you can. We need each other to push us towards Jesus and his ways so let’s be there for each other however we can in the last part of this season.
Alison Haupt
Alison's heart for the college campus has produced tons of students to follow Jesus and experience true christian community in an environment where its hard to find family away from family. she also is the Intervarsity area corrdinator for the tampa area.
I know that the summer is often one of the hardest times of the year for so many of us as we are away from our campus community and thrown back into our home environments which for some are great and amazing and for others are challenging and difficult. I know for me, whenever I am away from the community in which I experience God with the most, it feels hard to hear him, it feels hard to know he is there, to feel his presence and to believe that he can still speak to me.
I think that hearing God is something I have always had to work at in my life. I think when I first became a believer, I felt like I would begin to hear God with a megaphone and that everything would suddenly become extra clear to me, but unfortunately that has not been my experience. I have heard from God and do hear from him, but it is always something that I need to work at and it is not because God is not speaking, but that I am having a hard time listening.
I have come to realize that the reason it becomes hard for me to hear God when I am not around community, is not only because I hear God through them at times, but the truth is that the community helps me strip away all the unnecessary sound waves that get in the way of hearing God’s voice in the midst of all the noise in my life and helps me to focus on Jesus and allows me to hear him most clearly. This is one reason of many why a community of believers has become so important to me and why I have given my life to see that very thing created on college campuses because I want so badly for people to hear God the way I have been able to hear him and know that having a community around us spurring us on towards him is a crucial element of that. My life would be so different without this.
I am sure some of us have felt a little strained this summer to hear God, to know he is there because our community on campus that we are used to experiencing God together in has been fragmented and I hope that some of you have been able to find a community back home to connect with and to connect with God through, but I know that can be much easier said than done.
I remember being home at my parents house for the summer after having such strong encounters with God during the school year and feeling empty, feeling like I don’t know how to follow Jesus here, feeling like I was slipping back into old patterns and struggles, feeling like I couldn’t hear God and I had gone from being in a rich rainforest with so much life and was transported to a desert. I do remember though having some deep encounters with God even in those desert moments. I remember some mornings devoting time to spend with God before going to work and praying for my family and getting to see God use me in special ways, I remember God using me to have spiritual conversations with co-workers at my summer job. I remember visiting different churches in my hometown just to get a taste of how others worshiped and to try to find a community. Most of all, I just remember when I would take time to be silent and still before Jesus him speaking to me in subtle and simple, yet profound ways. I had poor discipline in my walk with Jesus and the times with him were so sporadic, but they were still rich and powerful and it was Jesus who sustained me through the time I had to live separate from my core spiritual community.
Although I believe with everything in me, that Jesus calls us to be in community with one another and worship him and do mission out of that community. There are times when we are away from community for a season and I still believe that God wants to speak to us in those times and show us more of himself and use us in the lives of others as well. I know that Jesus is everywhere because I have been in some dark places, but I know that even in that Jesus was there so I trust that regardless of how desert like our life feels, that he is still there wanting to speak to us if we are willing to listen.
I encourage you as the summer comes to a close to find places of silence to be before Jesus, to read his word and simply to listen to whatever he may want to say to you. I encourage you to look for ways to pursue Jesus in the environment you find yourself at home, at work, traveling, or wherever you may be. And I encourage you to stay connected to each other in our community in any way that you can. We need each other to push us towards Jesus and his ways so let’s be there for each other however we can in the last part of this season.
Alison Haupt
Alison's heart for the college campus has produced tons of students to follow Jesus and experience true christian community in an environment where its hard to find family away from family. she also is the Intervarsity area corrdinator for the tampa area.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Breaking Down the Wall of Perfectionism
Hannah Holmes Shows us how perfectionism can draw us to insanity if we don't let The Lord come and take our worries.
Somewhere, deep in my childhood, I formed this idea, this little false religion of perfection. Long before I can remember I decided I could, and would, get it all together and do it all by myself. I would have straight A’s. I would be the best behaved kid in my family. People would love me and respect me and I would have lots of friends. I would have a successful career. I slowly built, brick by brick, a standard, an image of the life that I would lead. Needless to say, my foundation was anywhere but where it should be.
And it didn’t take long for the flaws in my carefully constructed building to show up. Every grade that was a little less than I expected, every fight with my family or friends, every failure, big or small, was pure agony, like touching a hot stove. Every little detail in my life became something to worry about it. I learned that trying to control everything is a full time job. And it got harder and harder, going from middle school to high school, from high school to college. By the end of my freshmen year of college, my perfectionism was threatening to crush me.
That was the pinnacle of a realization that I think had been coming on slowly for years. The realization of what I was spending all my time and energy building. It was no grand palace where I could live, not even a sturdy dependable home- it was more like a wall. With every relationship I tried to control, every impressive group I got involved in, every test I killed myself over, I stacked up another brick between me and God. I even used ministry in building the wall. Just add that to the list of things I need to do, to be “good enough.” To be worth it. But at the end of the day I wasn’t sure what I was worth at all.
Perfectionism was the perfect lie, that I could do it on my own, that I could ever be “good enough.” I knew that was wrong, but it was somehow louder than all the truths I had ever heard about grace in my entire life. But in the end grace was all that could have broken down the wall. The craziest thing is to look back and to see that as I was carefully laying down bricks, God was chipping away at my self- made prison. And though the breaking down of the wall has been a long, continual process, I’m pretty sure it all started with me sobbing on my dorm room floor. In my spiritual journey away from a place of control to a place of being surrendered, the most powerful moments have been those where I am completely broken and aware of my desperation. Those are the moments when I can hear the loudest what I know Jesus has been whispering to me all along. “I love you.”
I am still struggling to understand this love. I firmly believe that the knowledge of it is the only antidote to our culture's disease of perfection. The truth of Jesus’ love is the only thing strong enough to drown out the lies we hear about needing the perfect grades, perfect body, perfect job, perfect family, perfect boy or girlfriend… because the truth of His love is that no matter how far you sink you’re not going to go below it. No matter how hard you run you’re not going to come outside of it. And no matter how high you go you’re never going to touch the top of it. It’s endless, incomparable, and it’s nothing we could ever pay back, nothing we could ever deserve. Knowing that, grasping that, even in the tiniest little bit, has been the key to breaking down my wall of perfection. It was the only thing that could convince me to surrender. And while in the struggle against perfectionism I’m not, well, perfect, it’s the only thing that convinces me to keep pursuing Jesus in all my weakness, because that’s the way He loves me.
When I started to understand Jesus’ love, it completely changed the way I looked at life and ministry. That’s the thing about His love; it doesn’t make you perfect but it changes your outlook. The very desires and motivations of your heart begin to look more like His when you let his love sweep over you. I could hear Him whispering in my ear, “I love you. Come with Me, I have something amazing I want to show you. I want to use you to bring My kingdom. Will you come with Me?” Suddenly ministry went from being a duty to being an adventure. Will you answer His call to adventure in your life today? Will you leave all your imperfections, your worries, your need for control behind and walk with Him, run with Him?
Hannah Holmes
Hannah is a leader at The University Of Tampa where she leads freshmen to christ and teaches them how to be leaders on the campus. Her natural instincts to love and listen brings Jesus's character to the campus in multiple ways.
Somewhere, deep in my childhood, I formed this idea, this little false religion of perfection. Long before I can remember I decided I could, and would, get it all together and do it all by myself. I would have straight A’s. I would be the best behaved kid in my family. People would love me and respect me and I would have lots of friends. I would have a successful career. I slowly built, brick by brick, a standard, an image of the life that I would lead. Needless to say, my foundation was anywhere but where it should be.
And it didn’t take long for the flaws in my carefully constructed building to show up. Every grade that was a little less than I expected, every fight with my family or friends, every failure, big or small, was pure agony, like touching a hot stove. Every little detail in my life became something to worry about it. I learned that trying to control everything is a full time job. And it got harder and harder, going from middle school to high school, from high school to college. By the end of my freshmen year of college, my perfectionism was threatening to crush me.
That was the pinnacle of a realization that I think had been coming on slowly for years. The realization of what I was spending all my time and energy building. It was no grand palace where I could live, not even a sturdy dependable home- it was more like a wall. With every relationship I tried to control, every impressive group I got involved in, every test I killed myself over, I stacked up another brick between me and God. I even used ministry in building the wall. Just add that to the list of things I need to do, to be “good enough.” To be worth it. But at the end of the day I wasn’t sure what I was worth at all.
Perfectionism was the perfect lie, that I could do it on my own, that I could ever be “good enough.” I knew that was wrong, but it was somehow louder than all the truths I had ever heard about grace in my entire life. But in the end grace was all that could have broken down the wall. The craziest thing is to look back and to see that as I was carefully laying down bricks, God was chipping away at my self- made prison. And though the breaking down of the wall has been a long, continual process, I’m pretty sure it all started with me sobbing on my dorm room floor. In my spiritual journey away from a place of control to a place of being surrendered, the most powerful moments have been those where I am completely broken and aware of my desperation. Those are the moments when I can hear the loudest what I know Jesus has been whispering to me all along. “I love you.”
I am still struggling to understand this love. I firmly believe that the knowledge of it is the only antidote to our culture's disease of perfection. The truth of Jesus’ love is the only thing strong enough to drown out the lies we hear about needing the perfect grades, perfect body, perfect job, perfect family, perfect boy or girlfriend… because the truth of His love is that no matter how far you sink you’re not going to go below it. No matter how hard you run you’re not going to come outside of it. And no matter how high you go you’re never going to touch the top of it. It’s endless, incomparable, and it’s nothing we could ever pay back, nothing we could ever deserve. Knowing that, grasping that, even in the tiniest little bit, has been the key to breaking down my wall of perfection. It was the only thing that could convince me to surrender. And while in the struggle against perfectionism I’m not, well, perfect, it’s the only thing that convinces me to keep pursuing Jesus in all my weakness, because that’s the way He loves me.
When I started to understand Jesus’ love, it completely changed the way I looked at life and ministry. That’s the thing about His love; it doesn’t make you perfect but it changes your outlook. The very desires and motivations of your heart begin to look more like His when you let his love sweep over you. I could hear Him whispering in my ear, “I love you. Come with Me, I have something amazing I want to show you. I want to use you to bring My kingdom. Will you come with Me?” Suddenly ministry went from being a duty to being an adventure. Will you answer His call to adventure in your life today? Will you leave all your imperfections, your worries, your need for control behind and walk with Him, run with Him?
Hannah Holmes
Hannah is a leader at The University Of Tampa where she leads freshmen to christ and teaches them how to be leaders on the campus. Her natural instincts to love and listen brings Jesus's character to the campus in multiple ways.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
From Barbies To Boys To Jesus: The Truth About Womanhood; Day 2
PART 3
Matthew 22:37-40
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Out of God’s unfailing love and for our own protection, God calls us to be pure spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. 1 Peter 1:16 reminds us, “Be holy, because I am holy.” God knows that if we compromise one of these areas than the rest of these areas will be contaminated and impure. By committing fully to purity in Jesus, we allow him to give us the fulfillment that he longs to give us. For women, an important step toward purity and integrity is the unwavering and genuine presence of modesty, not just physically, but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as well. Modesty is “Freedom from vanity or boastfulness. It is the high regard for decency/ simplicity of behavior speech, and dress (Dictionary).” Modesty or lack thereof is communicated through non verbal and verbal cues. It’s been proven that 80-90% of human communication is non verbal. This includes body language and what is worn on the body.
Women of God are called to dress and live modestly. Showing body parts such as our midriff, butt, breasts, and excessive amounts of skin, draw attention inappropriately and away from the person we are beneath our skin. The same need for modesty applies for those of us who cover our private parts but never cease to wear the trendiest clothing and eye catching outfits. Modesty is not just about the exposure of bare skin. Dressing immodestly in one or both of these ways exposes our lack of security in ourselves and our selfish desire to be distinguished from other women. Modesty is not just about a rule to obey or break. Most of all, our practice of modesty correlates to the love and fear that we have for our Lord, which brings wisdom (Proverbs31:30). When we dress without modesty, we break the heart of our body’s owner, Jesus. We hurt him with our lack of faithfulness and respect for him. Genuine modesty corresponds to the genuine motive to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). Genuine modesty also reveals that you love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). We must operate on love at all times. This love for our neighbor includes protecting our men by what we say, do, and wear.
When we are immodest, we do not protect our men or ourselves from the enemy’s chance of gaining leeway. When we dress immodestly, we make ourselves an object to the eyes of men, at the expense of their struggle for purity. We rely on their animal calls and compliments. When they fail to love or respect us properly, we respond by calling them “dogs, heart breakers, jerks, and cheaters.” It cannot be denied that many men’s actions take part in the destruction and belittling of women’s identity. At the same time, as a woman, I feel that we ought to own up to the fact that we are more than capable of making the choice to demand deference by what we wear, say, and do. Instead, many of us, me included, have made the decision to teach men to disrespect us. Like many women, I have encouraged men to disregard my inward beauty and praise my outward beauty, as a means of gaining a counterfeit of the real love and admiration I desire. I am still in the stage of discovering that my identity and worth do not stem from what I do, but from belonging to a God who has perfect identity and priceless worth. We must look for love and rest in the Lord and no further. Casting such great expectations on men leads to a lonely and empty dead end. Using our words or bodies as a weapon to manipulate is a disgrace to the Lord and his men. When we act outside the will of God, we seek our own selfish purpose that is bound to fail. To be followers of Jesus, we should not “seek our own good, but the good of others (1 Corinthians 10:24). As a matter of fact, Jesus warns us to keep from causing others to stumble (Luke 7:1) Lets serve our men and keep our sacred bodies a secret, unless/until, they are made one with a godly husband, given to us in marriage by the Lord.
I often mourn over my brokenness in this area, but God’s grace has given me the capacity to think and act in standards of love for myself and those around me. In no way am I suggesting that women ought to cover every inch of their skin. And in no way am I advising women to wear baggy turtle necks, sweat pants, or sweaters every day. Asking myself these following questions have been helpful hints to expose the deep motives that dictate my actions. When we interact with the opposite sex, it can be helpful to ask ourselves what our true motives are while answering the following questions.
-“Does what I’m doing, wearing, or saying yield to my highest standard of dignity and self respect? Are my actions an expression of my love and concern for men and their struggles?
Could my outfit cause men to stumble? Could my consistent fashions pressure women into dressing immodestly and competitively?”
PART 4
Romans 12:1
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
The spiritual plagues of pride and competitiveness are not just suffered by men. Women suffer and subject themselves to its poison as well. In fact, we will be just as protective and guarded over what we feel is our territory. Our territory may include the image of ourselves, and something, or someone we consider to be ours. If that means being in fierce competition with one another than so be it. If anything or anyone appears to be a potential threat, our jealousy and tactics of defense will take over. I can recall an experience illustrating my point.
Only a few months ago, my boyfriend and I were walking to the parking lot. We had just ended a long day of school. As we approached the crosswalk, an attractive girl was crossing from the opposite direction. As she passed us, I felt a sense of paranoia and inadequacy rush over me. From the corner of my eye, I glanced at my boyfriend to study his reaction to her passing. I was anticipating that he would look away from me to stare at her from head to toe. This girl went to our university. She was one of the boys’ favorites. I had seen them drooling over her, as they called her a “10.” They admired her beauty and how much skin she revealed.
Without even knowing her, I had often been judgmental and irritated with her for the way she dressed and flirted with the men. But, as long as she didn’t approach my boy friend, I could ignore her antics. Needless to say, I didn’t want her coming anywhere near my boy friend. Since childhood, I have expected all men to gawk at women with unrestrained eyes. I have consistently caught my own male family members, ex boyfriends, and guy friends doing it. In the moment we passed this girl, she made no direct action to interact with my boyfriend. Regardless, I felt that she was a threat to my boy friend’s affection for me. It’s a great grievance of mine to admit that I did not feel the love of God for her. I was unconcerned about her own struggle to fully love and respect herself enough to keep her body a secret. Instead, I was worried that in comparison to her, my effort for purity and modesty wouldn’t be enough to maintain my boyfriend’s interest. I felt tempted to retreat back to the old days of giving my ex boyfriend something to look at to keep him. In reality, I did not see my boy friend turn his attention toward her. Regardless, after she passed, I was among the group of girls who have made jealous remarks against her, “She wears too much makeup.” After the words left my mouth, I could trace the motive of my remark and I felt convicted by the Holy Spirit.
When we got to the car, my boyfriend knew something was wrong. He asked me and I denied it until I broke down in tears. I confessed my feelings and my guilt. He listened intently, comforted me, and thanked me for trying to pursue purity and Jesus, rather than short term, impure attention. His walk with Jesus not only gave him an appreciation for modesty and purity, but also a desire for it to be permanent in his relationship with me. Not once did he say “Dress a little sexier for me.” I was incredibly relieved to have such a man of God.
Later that night, I brought my pain, insecurity, and competitiveness to Jesus. I cried out for his love and grace. I asked him to remind me how to have compassion and how to love all women and men around me. I thanked him for giving me a boy friend who loved Jesus. However, the center of my desperate cry was for Jesus to remind me of my worth and identity in Him. I asked God, “What makes a woman beautiful in your eyes?” As I sobbed, I begged him to silence the world and its opinion of me. I begged him to make his voice the loudest and the one that matters most to me. In this situation, I may have been physically modest, but my emotions were impure and in need of the grace of God. I was lacking compassion for the girl, as well as a certainty in my God given identity and worth. I was unaware until God used this pretty and immodest girl to show me the condition of my heart.
God’s Word tells us that our “beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hair styles and the wearing of gold jewelry, and fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3, 4). It is common for women to lie about their age and expend every effort and resource to appear younger. We have a fear and hate of death, old age, and ugliness. Despite our culture’s obsession with physical youth, we cannot and should not solely rely on our bodies or clothes to establish, measure, or preserve our sense of beauty. Our flesh and clothing will fade away, tarnish, and wrinkle quickly over time. Since we can’t measure our identity and worth in outward adornment, than where should our beauty come from? What should we dress ourselves with to make ourselves attractive?
Colossians 3:1-3,12,14 gives us valuable insight on how to live and what to dress ourselves with…1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God… 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience… 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
These are the treasures we should pray for, put on, and practice. We have the freedom to decide what to wear and how to wear it. The gifts quoted in 1 Peter and Colossians never lose their value and they never go out of style. They are the timeless and precious treasures on the inside of our cup that make the outside of your cup clean as well (Matthew 23:26). Rather than expose our fleshly assets, we are called to dress ourselves with these godly assets instead. We can make the choice to put them on every single day. They are the epitome of beauty in its truest form, because they inspire a life of sacrifice. Just as Jesus did, we are to “offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, and pleasing to God (Romans 12:1).” When we do so, we will no longer fight the wonderful bodies and image that God has given us. We will see that all of our joy, worth and identity come from a heart that rejoices in the heart of the Lord. The holy women of the past had an unfading beauty because they had such a love for their Maker (1 Peter 3:4). They kept the Lord as the center piece of their hearts and brought all glory and attention to him. This blog post is not condemnation to women, but it is a call to the Holy Spirit’s conviction. It is a God given call to defy the silence, and honestly acknowledge our struggles and wrongs as women. It is a call to repent of our sins, bring them to the cross, receive God’s grace, and live in spirit and truth (John 4:23)
Camara Bensinger
Camara Bensinger is the founder of Multi Cultural Bible Study at the University Of Tampa and is one of the most powerful spiritual leaders on campus. Her capacity to love on many girls a week and giving her time to multiple women a day who need spiritual guidance, or a listening ear makes her a light on the college campus. The passion and conviction that Jesus gives her allows us as a community to better understand the world that we live in and the honest struggle that it takes to live righteously.
Matthew 22:37-40
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Out of God’s unfailing love and for our own protection, God calls us to be pure spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. 1 Peter 1:16 reminds us, “Be holy, because I am holy.” God knows that if we compromise one of these areas than the rest of these areas will be contaminated and impure. By committing fully to purity in Jesus, we allow him to give us the fulfillment that he longs to give us. For women, an important step toward purity and integrity is the unwavering and genuine presence of modesty, not just physically, but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as well. Modesty is “Freedom from vanity or boastfulness. It is the high regard for decency/ simplicity of behavior speech, and dress (Dictionary).” Modesty or lack thereof is communicated through non verbal and verbal cues. It’s been proven that 80-90% of human communication is non verbal. This includes body language and what is worn on the body.
Women of God are called to dress and live modestly. Showing body parts such as our midriff, butt, breasts, and excessive amounts of skin, draw attention inappropriately and away from the person we are beneath our skin. The same need for modesty applies for those of us who cover our private parts but never cease to wear the trendiest clothing and eye catching outfits. Modesty is not just about the exposure of bare skin. Dressing immodestly in one or both of these ways exposes our lack of security in ourselves and our selfish desire to be distinguished from other women. Modesty is not just about a rule to obey or break. Most of all, our practice of modesty correlates to the love and fear that we have for our Lord, which brings wisdom (Proverbs31:30). When we dress without modesty, we break the heart of our body’s owner, Jesus. We hurt him with our lack of faithfulness and respect for him. Genuine modesty corresponds to the genuine motive to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). Genuine modesty also reveals that you love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). We must operate on love at all times. This love for our neighbor includes protecting our men by what we say, do, and wear.
When we are immodest, we do not protect our men or ourselves from the enemy’s chance of gaining leeway. When we dress immodestly, we make ourselves an object to the eyes of men, at the expense of their struggle for purity. We rely on their animal calls and compliments. When they fail to love or respect us properly, we respond by calling them “dogs, heart breakers, jerks, and cheaters.” It cannot be denied that many men’s actions take part in the destruction and belittling of women’s identity. At the same time, as a woman, I feel that we ought to own up to the fact that we are more than capable of making the choice to demand deference by what we wear, say, and do. Instead, many of us, me included, have made the decision to teach men to disrespect us. Like many women, I have encouraged men to disregard my inward beauty and praise my outward beauty, as a means of gaining a counterfeit of the real love and admiration I desire. I am still in the stage of discovering that my identity and worth do not stem from what I do, but from belonging to a God who has perfect identity and priceless worth. We must look for love and rest in the Lord and no further. Casting such great expectations on men leads to a lonely and empty dead end. Using our words or bodies as a weapon to manipulate is a disgrace to the Lord and his men. When we act outside the will of God, we seek our own selfish purpose that is bound to fail. To be followers of Jesus, we should not “seek our own good, but the good of others (1 Corinthians 10:24). As a matter of fact, Jesus warns us to keep from causing others to stumble (Luke 7:1) Lets serve our men and keep our sacred bodies a secret, unless/until, they are made one with a godly husband, given to us in marriage by the Lord.
I often mourn over my brokenness in this area, but God’s grace has given me the capacity to think and act in standards of love for myself and those around me. In no way am I suggesting that women ought to cover every inch of their skin. And in no way am I advising women to wear baggy turtle necks, sweat pants, or sweaters every day. Asking myself these following questions have been helpful hints to expose the deep motives that dictate my actions. When we interact with the opposite sex, it can be helpful to ask ourselves what our true motives are while answering the following questions.
-“Does what I’m doing, wearing, or saying yield to my highest standard of dignity and self respect? Are my actions an expression of my love and concern for men and their struggles?
Could my outfit cause men to stumble? Could my consistent fashions pressure women into dressing immodestly and competitively?”
PART 4
Romans 12:1
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
The spiritual plagues of pride and competitiveness are not just suffered by men. Women suffer and subject themselves to its poison as well. In fact, we will be just as protective and guarded over what we feel is our territory. Our territory may include the image of ourselves, and something, or someone we consider to be ours. If that means being in fierce competition with one another than so be it. If anything or anyone appears to be a potential threat, our jealousy and tactics of defense will take over. I can recall an experience illustrating my point.
Only a few months ago, my boyfriend and I were walking to the parking lot. We had just ended a long day of school. As we approached the crosswalk, an attractive girl was crossing from the opposite direction. As she passed us, I felt a sense of paranoia and inadequacy rush over me. From the corner of my eye, I glanced at my boyfriend to study his reaction to her passing. I was anticipating that he would look away from me to stare at her from head to toe. This girl went to our university. She was one of the boys’ favorites. I had seen them drooling over her, as they called her a “10.” They admired her beauty and how much skin she revealed.
Without even knowing her, I had often been judgmental and irritated with her for the way she dressed and flirted with the men. But, as long as she didn’t approach my boy friend, I could ignore her antics. Needless to say, I didn’t want her coming anywhere near my boy friend. Since childhood, I have expected all men to gawk at women with unrestrained eyes. I have consistently caught my own male family members, ex boyfriends, and guy friends doing it. In the moment we passed this girl, she made no direct action to interact with my boyfriend. Regardless, I felt that she was a threat to my boy friend’s affection for me. It’s a great grievance of mine to admit that I did not feel the love of God for her. I was unconcerned about her own struggle to fully love and respect herself enough to keep her body a secret. Instead, I was worried that in comparison to her, my effort for purity and modesty wouldn’t be enough to maintain my boyfriend’s interest. I felt tempted to retreat back to the old days of giving my ex boyfriend something to look at to keep him. In reality, I did not see my boy friend turn his attention toward her. Regardless, after she passed, I was among the group of girls who have made jealous remarks against her, “She wears too much makeup.” After the words left my mouth, I could trace the motive of my remark and I felt convicted by the Holy Spirit.
When we got to the car, my boyfriend knew something was wrong. He asked me and I denied it until I broke down in tears. I confessed my feelings and my guilt. He listened intently, comforted me, and thanked me for trying to pursue purity and Jesus, rather than short term, impure attention. His walk with Jesus not only gave him an appreciation for modesty and purity, but also a desire for it to be permanent in his relationship with me. Not once did he say “Dress a little sexier for me.” I was incredibly relieved to have such a man of God.
Later that night, I brought my pain, insecurity, and competitiveness to Jesus. I cried out for his love and grace. I asked him to remind me how to have compassion and how to love all women and men around me. I thanked him for giving me a boy friend who loved Jesus. However, the center of my desperate cry was for Jesus to remind me of my worth and identity in Him. I asked God, “What makes a woman beautiful in your eyes?” As I sobbed, I begged him to silence the world and its opinion of me. I begged him to make his voice the loudest and the one that matters most to me. In this situation, I may have been physically modest, but my emotions were impure and in need of the grace of God. I was lacking compassion for the girl, as well as a certainty in my God given identity and worth. I was unaware until God used this pretty and immodest girl to show me the condition of my heart.
God’s Word tells us that our “beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hair styles and the wearing of gold jewelry, and fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3, 4). It is common for women to lie about their age and expend every effort and resource to appear younger. We have a fear and hate of death, old age, and ugliness. Despite our culture’s obsession with physical youth, we cannot and should not solely rely on our bodies or clothes to establish, measure, or preserve our sense of beauty. Our flesh and clothing will fade away, tarnish, and wrinkle quickly over time. Since we can’t measure our identity and worth in outward adornment, than where should our beauty come from? What should we dress ourselves with to make ourselves attractive?
Colossians 3:1-3,12,14 gives us valuable insight on how to live and what to dress ourselves with…1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God… 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience… 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
These are the treasures we should pray for, put on, and practice. We have the freedom to decide what to wear and how to wear it. The gifts quoted in 1 Peter and Colossians never lose their value and they never go out of style. They are the timeless and precious treasures on the inside of our cup that make the outside of your cup clean as well (Matthew 23:26). Rather than expose our fleshly assets, we are called to dress ourselves with these godly assets instead. We can make the choice to put them on every single day. They are the epitome of beauty in its truest form, because they inspire a life of sacrifice. Just as Jesus did, we are to “offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, and pleasing to God (Romans 12:1).” When we do so, we will no longer fight the wonderful bodies and image that God has given us. We will see that all of our joy, worth and identity come from a heart that rejoices in the heart of the Lord. The holy women of the past had an unfading beauty because they had such a love for their Maker (1 Peter 3:4). They kept the Lord as the center piece of their hearts and brought all glory and attention to him. This blog post is not condemnation to women, but it is a call to the Holy Spirit’s conviction. It is a God given call to defy the silence, and honestly acknowledge our struggles and wrongs as women. It is a call to repent of our sins, bring them to the cross, receive God’s grace, and live in spirit and truth (John 4:23)
Camara Bensinger
Camara Bensinger is the founder of Multi Cultural Bible Study at the University Of Tampa and is one of the most powerful spiritual leaders on campus. Her capacity to love on many girls a week and giving her time to multiple women a day who need spiritual guidance, or a listening ear makes her a light on the college campus. The passion and conviction that Jesus gives her allows us as a community to better understand the world that we live in and the honest struggle that it takes to live righteously.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
From Barbies To Boys To Jesus: The Truth About Womanhood
It's apparent that women and men struggle with many things in the college culture. From the way we dress to the way we interact on Facebook. Camara Bensinger opens her heart, story, and what Jesus has opened her eyes to, while giving us an understanding that in everything we do, we must glorify The Father. Today is part 1 and 2, while part 3 and 4 will be put up on Thursday.
PART 1
Hosea 2:7,13
7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now…
13 she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot,” declares the LORD.
From the first Barbie to the first bra to the first boy friend, young women unconsciously develop the foundations of their femininity. Despite the given love and freedom from our Creator, we are generally predisposed and occupied by the expectations and demands of our brutal culture. In our desperate attempt to fill our emptiness, the practice of giving ourselves away physically and emotionally has become an ancient pastime. Instead of bringing our brokenness to the altar of our Lord, we sacrifice our dignity and shove aside our lineage as beloved daughters of God. In the midst of such mess, Jesus awaits our surrender. My own battle with my body and my identity has made way for the insurmountable atonement of Jesus to be glorified.
Like most women, I am both a victim and perpetrator of my circumstances. In one moment, I am blameless for the emotional scars of being involuntarily objectified as a woman in my culture. In another moment, I am the one to blame when I make the male species my nameless toys to amuse my craving for love and attention. The origins of my brokenness reside on memory lane. For me, high school was a time of trials. Every girl’s body was developing into its own. Because I am naturally athletic, the curves and muscles of my body became undeniable. I was particularly dissatisfied with my legs, arms, and my hair. My insecurity continued to sky rocket as I compared myself to my peers and the women on television. The shorts and skirts of girls were getting shorter and shorter, while the shirts were getting thinner. Victoria Secret undergarments were not staying a secret when worn under see-through shirts and pants. In high school, it seemed that the quickest way to get attention and affirmation was to either wear less clothing or to be more distinguishable through having savvy fashion sense. The competition between girls was fierce. We were all blood thirsty for companionship and recognition from the opposite sex, as well as each other. We were unaware that our desire for boys was just a masquerade, covering a God given need for love and wholeness. At this time, the hormones of boys were going crazy, spurring curiosity for their female counterparts. They were being trained to believe that manhood was manifested in sexual conquest, so they were grateful for how generous girls were with their bodies.
At the beginning of my sophomore year, I caught the interest of a senior guy. Immediately, I was attracted to his charm and sense of humor, but his interest in me, intensified my hunger for an affirmation of my worth. We started dating, but I began to notice that keeping him required some work. Other girls were constantly after him and he had a wandering eye. Apparently I was behind and lacking in his standard of beauty. He would tell me, “You have man-arms and legs.” or “Straighten your hair more.” Most of all he’d say, “I wish you’d dress a little sexier for me.” After years of investing in him emotionally, physically, and mentally, I threw in the towel. At the beginning of college, I was deeply wounded and bitter. At the expense of my male peers, I teased and toyed with a few by using reckless words, and immodest attire. I now see that it was a sad attempt to try to redeem the control and dignity I had given away to my ex boy friend. Thankfully, my antics came to a halt when I met the man who has loved me all along, Jesus. Through an intimate relationship with him, I’ve discovered the equal love that he has for both women and men. My story full of mistakes, twists, turns, and brokenness was just condensed into a nutshell, but I know that many other women have a similar story. It is not only applicable for high school girls, but also for college women.
No matter what age, all women have a desire to be loved, valued, and needed. We long to be listened to and for our words and deepest thoughts to have a lasting impact on our listeners. We want affirmation that we matter. We long for someone to be trustworthy enough to see us exposed; “flaws and all.” We hope for that person to love the secret self that we have nurtured our entire life. Men have similar desires that are projected in different forms. Uniquely, women tend to place greater importance on what they hear and feel. In contrast, men hold their sense of sight to higher importance. When their eyes catch a glimpse of something visually pleasing, they are motivated to indulge in fantasy and strive towards physical contact with what they see. There is no denying that men have their own spiritual, physical, and emotional giants to battle. Reducing women to trophies and vessels of pleasure is inexcusable in the eyes of God. It is also inexcusable for women to seduce men or seek attention, orchestrated by desires such as control, and false affirmation. Women continue to play an equal part in the destruction of themselves and those around them. Understanding the inner most struggles and follies of men are a vital puzzle piece to creating the possibility of sharing Jesus with them. However, in this moment, I’d like to use this blog post to have an ongoing dialogue with women who long to have Jesus as the center piece of their lives. For women, this struggle with identity, worth, and body image is unavoidable.
PART 2
“Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? -You should ask yourself who taught you to hate being what God made you.” -Malcolm X
Women, despite all attempts to protect ourselves, we are immersed in a culture that doesn’t value self respect, purity, or integrity. We are in a culture that encourages us to know one another sexually before we know one another intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Dating has become a youthful ritual of having sex first, and shaking hands later. Men are encouraged to be heartless, detached bachelors, while the media assures that they will continue to salivate over women. Women are treated as a man’s accessory, which is both inferior and consumable. It is confirmed in movies, advertising, pornography, sports, politics, and fashion. Women are fed mixed messages. “Don’t be too light, but don’t be too dark. Don’t be too thick, but don’t be too thin. Don’t be too boring, but don’t be too crazy. Don’t be too stupid, but don’t be too intelligent.” Women are hindered by our culture’s attempt to keep us in line with its degrading standards. Women are mistaken for commodities that can be bought, sold, traded, or disposed. We are reduced to being rated physically, on a scale of 1 to 10.
For many of us, our Facebooks hold public evidence of us questioning our worth. Have you ever noticed how so many women use a continuous string of self portraits as a default picture for their Facebook? Each woman becomes a supposed model and a supposed photographer simultaneously. Some default photos are a self portrait with provocative clothing, bathing suits, or suggestive poses. Others are less suggestive and more oriented by longing facial expressions. Each picture may be slightly different, but behind the lens of each camera lives a similar motive. Often times, the motive is vanity, loneliness, insecurity, and emptiness. Ultimately, the photos reveal that we are wrestling with a shyness of our worth. The underlying statement of these photos silently scream, “Look at me and how beautiful I am. My body and facial features appear flawless here so that you can see me at my best. Or at least, confirm to me that I am beautiful and desirable. Am I good enough to be wanted? Am I cute? Confirm my worth by leaving an encouraging comment or ‘Liking’ the picture.” When we do this, we not only reveal a shyness of our worth, but we also become a part of the world’s advertisements that display women as consumable products.
I also find it interesting and telling that we spend time praising and aspiring to the beauty of celebrity women. We rant, rave, and envy women like Reese Witherspoon, Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Frieda Pinto, Beyonce, and Halle Berry. We ask ourselves, “If I could look like anyone, who would I want to look like?” We ask ourselves this question without considering that much of their praise and worldly beauty actually comes from the accumulation of photographic manipulation, plastic surgery, dental surgery, hair stylists, makeup artists, personal trainers, fashion stylists, nutritionists, and light specialists. These celebrity women cave under the pressure to be eye candy, just as we do. In reality, their appearance in the magazines and on the big screen is far from their unaltered and natural appearance. Although they would look differently without all the extra professional alteration, they would still be beautifully matchless and wanted in the eyes of God. Considering all of this, is it really fair or healthy to claim these women as the epitome of beauty, let alone idolize their appearance? Just like them, we are pressured to fix our shortcomings through surgery, eating disorders, excessive exercising, tanning, bleaching, and purchases from shopping excursions. Self hatred of ourselves looms over so many of our thoughts and stains the truth of the mirror. The real comical irony is that the world is entirely wrong.
More than any other type of makeover, we need a spiritual makeover. We need the truth of Jesus to wash every lie, question, and wound. He mourns with us through the pain, pressure, and prejudice we live in. While the world tries to put a cheap price on us, the price at which Jesus bought us is the only bid worthy of our acceptance (1 Corinthians 6:20). As women, we should rejoice. We need not anxiously await and beg for the earthly boyfriend or husband of our dreams until we remember our first true love. We must acknowledge that we have an eternal husband in Jesus. We are his lovely bride. Our body and spirit are “betrothed to him in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion (Hosea 2:19).” Fulfillment, wholeness, and love do not reside outside of an intimate relationship with him. Whether you are single or taken, Jesus is man enough for you. Thankfully, we also find an eternal father in God. A perfect, holy, just, and loving God created us and fathers us. He is so perfect that he is incapable of mistake. He doesn’t make rough drafts or errors. As women, we constantly wallow over our desire to revise and alter our bodies and personalities. We treat our bodies as if they can be tailor made to our liking. By doing this, we not only hurt ourselves, but we call God imperfect. We were all created in his image (Genesis 1:26). Just being born, alive, and created, guarantees our inheritance and birthright to be of worth and to have an identity. We are given the limitless capacity for love, beauty, wisdom, and sacrifice because that compresses the character of God himself. I pray that we would know that we are matchless to the only One that matters, the Lord. Let’s not be critical of God’s craftsmanship. Our meager minds and the world’s perverted ways betray us. Our bodies and our Creator take no part in betraying us. Let’s be thankful for our bodies and treat them as a Holy Temple for the Lord to dwell in (1 Corinthians 6:19).
TO BE CONTINUED...
PART 1
Hosea 2:7,13
7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now…
13 she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot,” declares the LORD.
From the first Barbie to the first bra to the first boy friend, young women unconsciously develop the foundations of their femininity. Despite the given love and freedom from our Creator, we are generally predisposed and occupied by the expectations and demands of our brutal culture. In our desperate attempt to fill our emptiness, the practice of giving ourselves away physically and emotionally has become an ancient pastime. Instead of bringing our brokenness to the altar of our Lord, we sacrifice our dignity and shove aside our lineage as beloved daughters of God. In the midst of such mess, Jesus awaits our surrender. My own battle with my body and my identity has made way for the insurmountable atonement of Jesus to be glorified.
Like most women, I am both a victim and perpetrator of my circumstances. In one moment, I am blameless for the emotional scars of being involuntarily objectified as a woman in my culture. In another moment, I am the one to blame when I make the male species my nameless toys to amuse my craving for love and attention. The origins of my brokenness reside on memory lane. For me, high school was a time of trials. Every girl’s body was developing into its own. Because I am naturally athletic, the curves and muscles of my body became undeniable. I was particularly dissatisfied with my legs, arms, and my hair. My insecurity continued to sky rocket as I compared myself to my peers and the women on television. The shorts and skirts of girls were getting shorter and shorter, while the shirts were getting thinner. Victoria Secret undergarments were not staying a secret when worn under see-through shirts and pants. In high school, it seemed that the quickest way to get attention and affirmation was to either wear less clothing or to be more distinguishable through having savvy fashion sense. The competition between girls was fierce. We were all blood thirsty for companionship and recognition from the opposite sex, as well as each other. We were unaware that our desire for boys was just a masquerade, covering a God given need for love and wholeness. At this time, the hormones of boys were going crazy, spurring curiosity for their female counterparts. They were being trained to believe that manhood was manifested in sexual conquest, so they were grateful for how generous girls were with their bodies.
At the beginning of my sophomore year, I caught the interest of a senior guy. Immediately, I was attracted to his charm and sense of humor, but his interest in me, intensified my hunger for an affirmation of my worth. We started dating, but I began to notice that keeping him required some work. Other girls were constantly after him and he had a wandering eye. Apparently I was behind and lacking in his standard of beauty. He would tell me, “You have man-arms and legs.” or “Straighten your hair more.” Most of all he’d say, “I wish you’d dress a little sexier for me.” After years of investing in him emotionally, physically, and mentally, I threw in the towel. At the beginning of college, I was deeply wounded and bitter. At the expense of my male peers, I teased and toyed with a few by using reckless words, and immodest attire. I now see that it was a sad attempt to try to redeem the control and dignity I had given away to my ex boy friend. Thankfully, my antics came to a halt when I met the man who has loved me all along, Jesus. Through an intimate relationship with him, I’ve discovered the equal love that he has for both women and men. My story full of mistakes, twists, turns, and brokenness was just condensed into a nutshell, but I know that many other women have a similar story. It is not only applicable for high school girls, but also for college women.
No matter what age, all women have a desire to be loved, valued, and needed. We long to be listened to and for our words and deepest thoughts to have a lasting impact on our listeners. We want affirmation that we matter. We long for someone to be trustworthy enough to see us exposed; “flaws and all.” We hope for that person to love the secret self that we have nurtured our entire life. Men have similar desires that are projected in different forms. Uniquely, women tend to place greater importance on what they hear and feel. In contrast, men hold their sense of sight to higher importance. When their eyes catch a glimpse of something visually pleasing, they are motivated to indulge in fantasy and strive towards physical contact with what they see. There is no denying that men have their own spiritual, physical, and emotional giants to battle. Reducing women to trophies and vessels of pleasure is inexcusable in the eyes of God. It is also inexcusable for women to seduce men or seek attention, orchestrated by desires such as control, and false affirmation. Women continue to play an equal part in the destruction of themselves and those around them. Understanding the inner most struggles and follies of men are a vital puzzle piece to creating the possibility of sharing Jesus with them. However, in this moment, I’d like to use this blog post to have an ongoing dialogue with women who long to have Jesus as the center piece of their lives. For women, this struggle with identity, worth, and body image is unavoidable.
PART 2
“Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? -You should ask yourself who taught you to hate being what God made you.” -Malcolm X
Women, despite all attempts to protect ourselves, we are immersed in a culture that doesn’t value self respect, purity, or integrity. We are in a culture that encourages us to know one another sexually before we know one another intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Dating has become a youthful ritual of having sex first, and shaking hands later. Men are encouraged to be heartless, detached bachelors, while the media assures that they will continue to salivate over women. Women are treated as a man’s accessory, which is both inferior and consumable. It is confirmed in movies, advertising, pornography, sports, politics, and fashion. Women are fed mixed messages. “Don’t be too light, but don’t be too dark. Don’t be too thick, but don’t be too thin. Don’t be too boring, but don’t be too crazy. Don’t be too stupid, but don’t be too intelligent.” Women are hindered by our culture’s attempt to keep us in line with its degrading standards. Women are mistaken for commodities that can be bought, sold, traded, or disposed. We are reduced to being rated physically, on a scale of 1 to 10.
For many of us, our Facebooks hold public evidence of us questioning our worth. Have you ever noticed how so many women use a continuous string of self portraits as a default picture for their Facebook? Each woman becomes a supposed model and a supposed photographer simultaneously. Some default photos are a self portrait with provocative clothing, bathing suits, or suggestive poses. Others are less suggestive and more oriented by longing facial expressions. Each picture may be slightly different, but behind the lens of each camera lives a similar motive. Often times, the motive is vanity, loneliness, insecurity, and emptiness. Ultimately, the photos reveal that we are wrestling with a shyness of our worth. The underlying statement of these photos silently scream, “Look at me and how beautiful I am. My body and facial features appear flawless here so that you can see me at my best. Or at least, confirm to me that I am beautiful and desirable. Am I good enough to be wanted? Am I cute? Confirm my worth by leaving an encouraging comment or ‘Liking’ the picture.” When we do this, we not only reveal a shyness of our worth, but we also become a part of the world’s advertisements that display women as consumable products.
I also find it interesting and telling that we spend time praising and aspiring to the beauty of celebrity women. We rant, rave, and envy women like Reese Witherspoon, Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Frieda Pinto, Beyonce, and Halle Berry. We ask ourselves, “If I could look like anyone, who would I want to look like?” We ask ourselves this question without considering that much of their praise and worldly beauty actually comes from the accumulation of photographic manipulation, plastic surgery, dental surgery, hair stylists, makeup artists, personal trainers, fashion stylists, nutritionists, and light specialists. These celebrity women cave under the pressure to be eye candy, just as we do. In reality, their appearance in the magazines and on the big screen is far from their unaltered and natural appearance. Although they would look differently without all the extra professional alteration, they would still be beautifully matchless and wanted in the eyes of God. Considering all of this, is it really fair or healthy to claim these women as the epitome of beauty, let alone idolize their appearance? Just like them, we are pressured to fix our shortcomings through surgery, eating disorders, excessive exercising, tanning, bleaching, and purchases from shopping excursions. Self hatred of ourselves looms over so many of our thoughts and stains the truth of the mirror. The real comical irony is that the world is entirely wrong.
More than any other type of makeover, we need a spiritual makeover. We need the truth of Jesus to wash every lie, question, and wound. He mourns with us through the pain, pressure, and prejudice we live in. While the world tries to put a cheap price on us, the price at which Jesus bought us is the only bid worthy of our acceptance (1 Corinthians 6:20). As women, we should rejoice. We need not anxiously await and beg for the earthly boyfriend or husband of our dreams until we remember our first true love. We must acknowledge that we have an eternal husband in Jesus. We are his lovely bride. Our body and spirit are “betrothed to him in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion (Hosea 2:19).” Fulfillment, wholeness, and love do not reside outside of an intimate relationship with him. Whether you are single or taken, Jesus is man enough for you. Thankfully, we also find an eternal father in God. A perfect, holy, just, and loving God created us and fathers us. He is so perfect that he is incapable of mistake. He doesn’t make rough drafts or errors. As women, we constantly wallow over our desire to revise and alter our bodies and personalities. We treat our bodies as if they can be tailor made to our liking. By doing this, we not only hurt ourselves, but we call God imperfect. We were all created in his image (Genesis 1:26). Just being born, alive, and created, guarantees our inheritance and birthright to be of worth and to have an identity. We are given the limitless capacity for love, beauty, wisdom, and sacrifice because that compresses the character of God himself. I pray that we would know that we are matchless to the only One that matters, the Lord. Let’s not be critical of God’s craftsmanship. Our meager minds and the world’s perverted ways betray us. Our bodies and our Creator take no part in betraying us. Let’s be thankful for our bodies and treat them as a Holy Temple for the Lord to dwell in (1 Corinthians 6:19).
TO BE CONTINUED...
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Church IS NOT A Chick Flick!
I feel as though women have become the church. I have grown up in church and remember thinking that it was something that women went to, so they could express their feelings and sing songs together. While the men served as ushers or the ones that caught the women as they fainted when experiencing an encounter with Jesus. I have to say that as I grew older I noticed more and more women complaining about their husbands or boyfriends never attending church with them. Hearing that angered me because when I looked around there where few men to be found. But no question seemed to hit me as hard as this one... Where are the mighty men of God that I read about in the scriptures? Why are they not found in church?
Where are the David’s of my generation who one minute fought and killed a thousand Philistines and the next radically praised God until his clothes fell off? Or how about Elijah who got mad and got in a man’s face and said if you mess with me I’ll call down fire from heaven and burn you up! What about Moses who killed a man and buried him in the sand? And lastly what about Peter who was packing a blade and defended his Savior by slicing a guy’s ear off! These were real men. Men that God wanted and used... yes sinners and imperfect men, yet men with never-back-down attitudes who weren't afraid to get into an altercation every now and then. I’m not saying what they did was right or that fighting is acceptable, but I can say it’s part of the male genome. Yet when you study about these men, you can’t help but ask the question where are the radical men of God today in the church? These men were real men. They lead their people to victory, had a true relationship with God, and worshiped like no other.
I began to think and came to the conclusion that most of these men in the bible would not fit in the church today. Here are some staggering statistics to prove my point: 90% of men that live in the United States say they believe in God; 5 out of 6 men in the United States refer to themselves as Christians, yet only 35% of the men that claim to follow Jesus attend church, which means ladies, that only 1 out of 5 women will have their husband attend church with them. Why? Because there is a total disconnect between men and church. Especially in the American culture. Men outnumber women in the Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islamic faith. Only in Christianity do women outnumber men.
Why? How come men shy away from the church? I can tell you why: Check out these words “feelings”, “sharing”, “love”, “communication”, “help”, “support” compared to: “power”, “efficiency”, “achievement”, “skill”, “competition”, “success”. One group of words make women come alive while the other group make men come alive. There was a survey done in which they placed both words side-by-side and said choose which word describes church to you. All the men chose “feelings”, “sharing”, “love”, “support”, “help”. Men, how great does it sound that once you make it to heaven you will have your own cloud to sit on with a couple of fat little babies with angel wings sitting beside you while you play your harp? I know... makes you want to go to church, doesn't it? As a matter of fact, I think the western philosophy is turning men away from salvation. I’m pretty sure the men of the bible didn't think this way. They saw power, righteousness, strength, and knowledge with God.
You have to understand that the first century church was a magnet to men! For example, when Jesus fed the 5,000 people He was just talking about men. In Matthew 14:21 it says, "the number of those who ate were about 5,000 men, besides the women and children." Notice that the emphases is on the number of men with the women and children being secondary. In Acts it says that on the day of Pentecost there were 3,000 men saved besides women and children. He found 12 men as His disciples, not girly or super spiritual men, but real guys with real problems, such as Peter and Paul who got into it with each other. In Galatians 2:11 you can see the way Paul reacts to Peter saying, "I withstood him to his face and there was no small contention." I think it’s pretty clear the type of men Jesus was leading, and the type He wanted following Him. He came to build His church and it was going to be built by men He discipled.
My soul longs for the day that I witness men that will call out for Jesus and worship Him like they do for their sports teams. It seems odd that men sit quietly during service, but when they get home they get rowdy and pumped to watch a couple of fat men tackle each other on a field. I can only imagine what God is thinking when He watches such a thing. Last time I checked, our Dad is the creator of the universe. He spoke and the cosmos was formed. I would be willing to paint my body, scream and chant for Jesus the way we do at sporting events. The feeling of a buzzer beater is the way I feel when I come to the realization that I just witnessed the Lord using my body to save someone or teach the gospel to a lost friend.
Men, we must equate faith with guts. We must stand up and take back our roles and bring back the rawness that was once there. The church is NOT a chick flick fellas and the quicker we understand that the church is a group of warriors the quicker the church will strengthen. Oh and men, just another tid bit of information: In families where just the women serve God, 17% of the time the young ones will follow in that faith, but in the families where men serves God with the women, 93% of the time the children will follow Jesus. You have more of an impact than you realize; therefore, as Joel 3:9 says, "Wake up the mighty men and get ready for battle!"
Russell Gaither
Where are the David’s of my generation who one minute fought and killed a thousand Philistines and the next radically praised God until his clothes fell off? Or how about Elijah who got mad and got in a man’s face and said if you mess with me I’ll call down fire from heaven and burn you up! What about Moses who killed a man and buried him in the sand? And lastly what about Peter who was packing a blade and defended his Savior by slicing a guy’s ear off! These were real men. Men that God wanted and used... yes sinners and imperfect men, yet men with never-back-down attitudes who weren't afraid to get into an altercation every now and then. I’m not saying what they did was right or that fighting is acceptable, but I can say it’s part of the male genome. Yet when you study about these men, you can’t help but ask the question where are the radical men of God today in the church? These men were real men. They lead their people to victory, had a true relationship with God, and worshiped like no other.
I began to think and came to the conclusion that most of these men in the bible would not fit in the church today. Here are some staggering statistics to prove my point: 90% of men that live in the United States say they believe in God; 5 out of 6 men in the United States refer to themselves as Christians, yet only 35% of the men that claim to follow Jesus attend church, which means ladies, that only 1 out of 5 women will have their husband attend church with them. Why? Because there is a total disconnect between men and church. Especially in the American culture. Men outnumber women in the Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islamic faith. Only in Christianity do women outnumber men.
Why? How come men shy away from the church? I can tell you why: Check out these words “feelings”, “sharing”, “love”, “communication”, “help”, “support” compared to: “power”, “efficiency”, “achievement”, “skill”, “competition”, “success”. One group of words make women come alive while the other group make men come alive. There was a survey done in which they placed both words side-by-side and said choose which word describes church to you. All the men chose “feelings”, “sharing”, “love”, “support”, “help”. Men, how great does it sound that once you make it to heaven you will have your own cloud to sit on with a couple of fat little babies with angel wings sitting beside you while you play your harp? I know... makes you want to go to church, doesn't it? As a matter of fact, I think the western philosophy is turning men away from salvation. I’m pretty sure the men of the bible didn't think this way. They saw power, righteousness, strength, and knowledge with God.
You have to understand that the first century church was a magnet to men! For example, when Jesus fed the 5,000 people He was just talking about men. In Matthew 14:21 it says, "the number of those who ate were about 5,000 men, besides the women and children." Notice that the emphases is on the number of men with the women and children being secondary. In Acts it says that on the day of Pentecost there were 3,000 men saved besides women and children. He found 12 men as His disciples, not girly or super spiritual men, but real guys with real problems, such as Peter and Paul who got into it with each other. In Galatians 2:11 you can see the way Paul reacts to Peter saying, "I withstood him to his face and there was no small contention." I think it’s pretty clear the type of men Jesus was leading, and the type He wanted following Him. He came to build His church and it was going to be built by men He discipled.
My soul longs for the day that I witness men that will call out for Jesus and worship Him like they do for their sports teams. It seems odd that men sit quietly during service, but when they get home they get rowdy and pumped to watch a couple of fat men tackle each other on a field. I can only imagine what God is thinking when He watches such a thing. Last time I checked, our Dad is the creator of the universe. He spoke and the cosmos was formed. I would be willing to paint my body, scream and chant for Jesus the way we do at sporting events. The feeling of a buzzer beater is the way I feel when I come to the realization that I just witnessed the Lord using my body to save someone or teach the gospel to a lost friend.
Men, we must equate faith with guts. We must stand up and take back our roles and bring back the rawness that was once there. The church is NOT a chick flick fellas and the quicker we understand that the church is a group of warriors the quicker the church will strengthen. Oh and men, just another tid bit of information: In families where just the women serve God, 17% of the time the young ones will follow in that faith, but in the families where men serves God with the women, 93% of the time the children will follow Jesus. You have more of an impact than you realize; therefore, as Joel 3:9 says, "Wake up the mighty men and get ready for battle!"
Russell Gaither
Sunday, June 5, 2011
A Week Of Poetry: Day 7
Today is day 7 of a week of poetry. I know you wish it could go on but we have many more writing coming up that will break you, and then fill you up. I must say that this week has been nothing short of brilliant. It has been full of great pieces and I would like to thank all you guys that have been reading, as well as those who submitted their writings. If you didn't get the chance and would like to submit your pieces, we will be having another week of poetry in the future. So stay tune! On our last day we have a special poem from the great artist Jon Dengler. Enjoy, and thanks again.
Praise
Jon Dengler
God I fought Thee
But you still sought me and you bought me
Pick me up and you taught me
So now how do I praise the name of a God whose love stays the same
And sustains me and keeps me from going insane
From the weight of my own sin and shame
Who pierced the main vein of his own son
Whose taken my blame though I forsaken his name
By living profane and living a deadly game
But you kept me safe through these mazes and phases
And it amazes me God
So here I am to give you the praises
And here I am to throw my life upon the altar
‘Cuz all I want to do with my life is exalt ya
And what’s more, like psalm 34, I’ll extol the Lord at all times
His praises always on my lips and my rhymes
And my soul will boast in the Lords voice
So let the afflicted, addicted, and conflicted hear it and rejoice
Thank you Jesus that you healed my diseases and you picked up the pieces
You’ve given me freedom and now the drugs and alcohol I don’t need’em
And you’ve turned me around
And put my feet on solid ground
And now my heart pounds to the sound of a new drum
Marching to the cadence of God’s only son
Yeshua , Hallelujah glory to ya, Lion of Judea
Come on and glorify the Lord with me like you’ve never done
Let us exalt his name together son
Yeshua, Jesus, the ancient of days
Yeshua, Jesus, the ancient of days
Yeshua, Jesus, the ancient of days
The way the truth the life Yahweh
Son of God son of David the Son of Man
Son of God son of David the Son of Man
Son of God son of David the Son of Man
The good the shepherd the word and that I AM
Bread of life, Adonai, Holy and divine
Bread of life, Adonai, Holy and divine
Bread of life, Adonai, Holy and divine
Lily of the valley, Root of Jesse, the vine
Consuming fire love the first and the last
Consuming fire love the first and the last
Consuming fire love the first and the last
The Lamb of God that was slain on our behalf
Yeshua, Hallelujah, Glory to ya
Praise
Jon Dengler
God I fought Thee
But you still sought me and you bought me
Pick me up and you taught me
So now how do I praise the name of a God whose love stays the same
And sustains me and keeps me from going insane
From the weight of my own sin and shame
Who pierced the main vein of his own son
Whose taken my blame though I forsaken his name
By living profane and living a deadly game
But you kept me safe through these mazes and phases
And it amazes me God
So here I am to give you the praises
And here I am to throw my life upon the altar
‘Cuz all I want to do with my life is exalt ya
And what’s more, like psalm 34, I’ll extol the Lord at all times
His praises always on my lips and my rhymes
And my soul will boast in the Lords voice
So let the afflicted, addicted, and conflicted hear it and rejoice
Thank you Jesus that you healed my diseases and you picked up the pieces
You’ve given me freedom and now the drugs and alcohol I don’t need’em
And you’ve turned me around
And put my feet on solid ground
And now my heart pounds to the sound of a new drum
Marching to the cadence of God’s only son
Yeshua , Hallelujah glory to ya, Lion of Judea
Come on and glorify the Lord with me like you’ve never done
Let us exalt his name together son
Yeshua, Jesus, the ancient of days
Yeshua, Jesus, the ancient of days
Yeshua, Jesus, the ancient of days
The way the truth the life Yahweh
Son of God son of David the Son of Man
Son of God son of David the Son of Man
Son of God son of David the Son of Man
The good the shepherd the word and that I AM
Bread of life, Adonai, Holy and divine
Bread of life, Adonai, Holy and divine
Bread of life, Adonai, Holy and divine
Lily of the valley, Root of Jesse, the vine
Consuming fire love the first and the last
Consuming fire love the first and the last
Consuming fire love the first and the last
The Lamb of God that was slain on our behalf
Yeshua, Hallelujah, Glory to ya
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