Every woman at one point in her life has battled with the concept of worth. We have battled with it both in the past and in the present. History tells us that women were seen as the lesser of the two genders, and were not as qualified as men to receive an education, go to work, or do any of the tasks men could do. For many years, society was comfortable with the roles women were allowed. It saw women as housewives, mothers, housekeepers, and supporters for a man. Women were never seen as equal by society, but as the inferior species of mankind. Yet, women decided to fight back, to stand up for the rights they were so equally given at birth. They believed they were just as qualified as men to receive an education, have a career, and still manage their household and raise their children. Women proved themselves right and began to graduate from college, become doctors and lawyers, raise their children, and even teach the Word of God. However, equal rights did not entirely solve the problem of worth women struggle with; in fact, it might have made it worse for now women started to find their identity even more so, in everything but Jesus.
Our worth and identity is something all women struggle to see and define. We struggle to find a meaning for our existence and struggle to see ourselves as individuals who have value. Therefore, we search for ideas and actions to find our identity and value in, a few of these being our work, our looks, our personality, and our relationships with people. Women work so hard in their jobs, in their volunteer activities, in their household, and even in ministry. We define ourselves by what we do, how much people we can help, how much things we can check off our to-do-lists. We define ourselves in our accomplishments, the awards we win in academia, in organizations, and in the compliments others say about us. We work so hard that we stress ourselves, worry over every little thing, and then leave ourselves with no time for ourselves, and especially for Jesus—who many of us claim to be the most important person in the world to us.
Furthermore than work, we define ourselves by our looks in comparison to other women’s looks. We say we are working out to be healthy, we say we are wearing makeup to just highlight our nice features, we say we dress a certain way to be pretty, and we say we don’t care what others are thinking about us. But is that really true? Ask yourself that. Or are we bending ourselves backwards in order to compare to the world’s definition of beauty? Along with looks, don’t we try to fit our personality to become what we think it should be? Don’t we try to change the way we are to be as funny as caring as someone else? Don’t we try to change the very essence of who we are, who we were made to be, in order to fit in and fit society’s definition of a woman? Ha, even more than that, we have defined ourselves by the relationships we are in. We define ourselves as daughters, sisters, friends, girlfriends, cousins, aunts, grandmothers, fiancés, wives, and widows. We do our best to be the best of those titles, to be perfect in those relationships, and even see ourselves as worthless when we lose one of those relationships.
And out of all the relationships, we long to have a man to be loved by, to love in return, and to validate our work, our looks, our personality, and who we are in entirety. I have done this myself many times. I have searched for value in work and achievements, to the point I became depressed. I defined myself in looks to the point I became anorexic. I searched for love in all the wrong places, and gave my heart to guy after guy to only get hurt in return. And what was the result? I was never happy. I was empty inside, lonely, desperate, and depressed. I went to bed every night, with a hole in me that I just couldn’t seem to fill. I wanted to end it all, but knew that I couldn’t, knew it wasn’t right. So I kept living in the prison the world had set up for me, kept living in the prison I set up for myself without any hope of being free. For to me, I had a lifetime sentence of incarceration in the prison of worthlessness. Forever in chains.
Until, I met this man.
This man told me that he loved me, the first day we met! He told me that he had been watching me as I cried and walked around in sadness, and he too was sad in those moments. He told me I used to walk right past him many days and turned to my work, my looks, my personality, and my other relationships. He told me how much it hurt for me to love things and people who didn’t love him the way he did, that he wanted to be my everything. He said that he was destined to love me, and for me to love him. And that if I accepted him, if I wanted him, he would show me where to find value, where to find my worth, where to find eternal happiness! He even said he loved everything about me—looks, personality, and all. Yet he said that I couldn’t define myself in those works and work too much that I forgot to spend time with him. He told me that he loved that I loved others, and cared for them, but that I couldn’t find my worth in loving them. He said that he wanted to show me how to love people and myself correctly. But he said, I couldn’t do that until I found my value, worth, and love in him. And all I had to do was love him in return. I was scared at first, but as I started to get to know him more, I realized, that he was unlike any other person I met before. He didn’t use me nor compare me to anyone else. He called me beautiful daily, he listened to me talk about my hurts, my pains, and my dreams for something more with my life. I began to trust him, and fell in love with him. He asked me to be with him forever, and I said yes, as his bride! And Every time I hurt him, he always took me back, because he told me he loved me too much to hold all of that against me. It is in those moments I know he is the definition of love, and he is what I was meant for. And I’m discovering more every day, that his love is indescribable, relentless, ever forgiving, and eternal. In return, I try to love him more each day, by spending time with him, doing what he says is right for me, and telling others about his love.
And that is what he also wants to extend to you. He wants to show you that your worth can only be found in him and his love. That he sees you as a beautiful, precious, perfect women. He sees the hard things you are going through, sees what is tearing you away from him. He got rid of all that on the cross, and now, if you will let him, he will come live in you and show you the magnitude of his love for you. He will even show you how to go and tell others about his love, to invite them into finding their worth and value in him also. Let him love you, let him define you, let him be all you need. I promise you, you will find your worth as a woman or man. Ask him how much he loves you, how much you are worth it, and I promise, he will show you.
Brianna Ebanks
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