PART 3
Matthew 22:37-40
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Out of God’s unfailing love and for our own protection, God calls us to be pure spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. 1 Peter 1:16 reminds us, “Be holy, because I am holy.” God knows that if we compromise one of these areas than the rest of these areas will be contaminated and impure. By committing fully to purity in Jesus, we allow him to give us the fulfillment that he longs to give us. For women, an important step toward purity and integrity is the unwavering and genuine presence of modesty, not just physically, but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as well. Modesty is “Freedom from vanity or boastfulness. It is the high regard for decency/ simplicity of behavior speech, and dress (Dictionary).” Modesty or lack thereof is communicated through non verbal and verbal cues. It’s been proven that 80-90% of human communication is non verbal. This includes body language and what is worn on the body.
Women of God are called to dress and live modestly. Showing body parts such as our midriff, butt, breasts, and excessive amounts of skin, draw attention inappropriately and away from the person we are beneath our skin. The same need for modesty applies for those of us who cover our private parts but never cease to wear the trendiest clothing and eye catching outfits. Modesty is not just about the exposure of bare skin. Dressing immodestly in one or both of these ways exposes our lack of security in ourselves and our selfish desire to be distinguished from other women. Modesty is not just about a rule to obey or break. Most of all, our practice of modesty correlates to the love and fear that we have for our Lord, which brings wisdom (Proverbs31:30). When we dress without modesty, we break the heart of our body’s owner, Jesus. We hurt him with our lack of faithfulness and respect for him. Genuine modesty corresponds to the genuine motive to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37). Genuine modesty also reveals that you love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). We must operate on love at all times. This love for our neighbor includes protecting our men by what we say, do, and wear.
When we are immodest, we do not protect our men or ourselves from the enemy’s chance of gaining leeway. When we dress immodestly, we make ourselves an object to the eyes of men, at the expense of their struggle for purity. We rely on their animal calls and compliments. When they fail to love or respect us properly, we respond by calling them “dogs, heart breakers, jerks, and cheaters.” It cannot be denied that many men’s actions take part in the destruction and belittling of women’s identity. At the same time, as a woman, I feel that we ought to own up to the fact that we are more than capable of making the choice to demand deference by what we wear, say, and do. Instead, many of us, me included, have made the decision to teach men to disrespect us. Like many women, I have encouraged men to disregard my inward beauty and praise my outward beauty, as a means of gaining a counterfeit of the real love and admiration I desire. I am still in the stage of discovering that my identity and worth do not stem from what I do, but from belonging to a God who has perfect identity and priceless worth. We must look for love and rest in the Lord and no further. Casting such great expectations on men leads to a lonely and empty dead end. Using our words or bodies as a weapon to manipulate is a disgrace to the Lord and his men. When we act outside the will of God, we seek our own selfish purpose that is bound to fail. To be followers of Jesus, we should not “seek our own good, but the good of others (1 Corinthians 10:24). As a matter of fact, Jesus warns us to keep from causing others to stumble (Luke 7:1) Lets serve our men and keep our sacred bodies a secret, unless/until, they are made one with a godly husband, given to us in marriage by the Lord.
I often mourn over my brokenness in this area, but God’s grace has given me the capacity to think and act in standards of love for myself and those around me. In no way am I suggesting that women ought to cover every inch of their skin. And in no way am I advising women to wear baggy turtle necks, sweat pants, or sweaters every day. Asking myself these following questions have been helpful hints to expose the deep motives that dictate my actions. When we interact with the opposite sex, it can be helpful to ask ourselves what our true motives are while answering the following questions.
-“Does what I’m doing, wearing, or saying yield to my highest standard of dignity and self respect? Are my actions an expression of my love and concern for men and their struggles?
Could my outfit cause men to stumble? Could my consistent fashions pressure women into dressing immodestly and competitively?”
PART 4
Romans 12:1
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
The spiritual plagues of pride and competitiveness are not just suffered by men. Women suffer and subject themselves to its poison as well. In fact, we will be just as protective and guarded over what we feel is our territory. Our territory may include the image of ourselves, and something, or someone we consider to be ours. If that means being in fierce competition with one another than so be it. If anything or anyone appears to be a potential threat, our jealousy and tactics of defense will take over. I can recall an experience illustrating my point.
Only a few months ago, my boyfriend and I were walking to the parking lot. We had just ended a long day of school. As we approached the crosswalk, an attractive girl was crossing from the opposite direction. As she passed us, I felt a sense of paranoia and inadequacy rush over me. From the corner of my eye, I glanced at my boyfriend to study his reaction to her passing. I was anticipating that he would look away from me to stare at her from head to toe. This girl went to our university. She was one of the boys’ favorites. I had seen them drooling over her, as they called her a “10.” They admired her beauty and how much skin she revealed.
Without even knowing her, I had often been judgmental and irritated with her for the way she dressed and flirted with the men. But, as long as she didn’t approach my boy friend, I could ignore her antics. Needless to say, I didn’t want her coming anywhere near my boy friend. Since childhood, I have expected all men to gawk at women with unrestrained eyes. I have consistently caught my own male family members, ex boyfriends, and guy friends doing it. In the moment we passed this girl, she made no direct action to interact with my boyfriend. Regardless, I felt that she was a threat to my boy friend’s affection for me. It’s a great grievance of mine to admit that I did not feel the love of God for her. I was unconcerned about her own struggle to fully love and respect herself enough to keep her body a secret. Instead, I was worried that in comparison to her, my effort for purity and modesty wouldn’t be enough to maintain my boyfriend’s interest. I felt tempted to retreat back to the old days of giving my ex boyfriend something to look at to keep him. In reality, I did not see my boy friend turn his attention toward her. Regardless, after she passed, I was among the group of girls who have made jealous remarks against her, “She wears too much makeup.” After the words left my mouth, I could trace the motive of my remark and I felt convicted by the Holy Spirit.
When we got to the car, my boyfriend knew something was wrong. He asked me and I denied it until I broke down in tears. I confessed my feelings and my guilt. He listened intently, comforted me, and thanked me for trying to pursue purity and Jesus, rather than short term, impure attention. His walk with Jesus not only gave him an appreciation for modesty and purity, but also a desire for it to be permanent in his relationship with me. Not once did he say “Dress a little sexier for me.” I was incredibly relieved to have such a man of God.
Later that night, I brought my pain, insecurity, and competitiveness to Jesus. I cried out for his love and grace. I asked him to remind me how to have compassion and how to love all women and men around me. I thanked him for giving me a boy friend who loved Jesus. However, the center of my desperate cry was for Jesus to remind me of my worth and identity in Him. I asked God, “What makes a woman beautiful in your eyes?” As I sobbed, I begged him to silence the world and its opinion of me. I begged him to make his voice the loudest and the one that matters most to me. In this situation, I may have been physically modest, but my emotions were impure and in need of the grace of God. I was lacking compassion for the girl, as well as a certainty in my God given identity and worth. I was unaware until God used this pretty and immodest girl to show me the condition of my heart.
God’s Word tells us that our “beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hair styles and the wearing of gold jewelry, and fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3, 4). It is common for women to lie about their age and expend every effort and resource to appear younger. We have a fear and hate of death, old age, and ugliness. Despite our culture’s obsession with physical youth, we cannot and should not solely rely on our bodies or clothes to establish, measure, or preserve our sense of beauty. Our flesh and clothing will fade away, tarnish, and wrinkle quickly over time. Since we can’t measure our identity and worth in outward adornment, than where should our beauty come from? What should we dress ourselves with to make ourselves attractive?
Colossians 3:1-3,12,14 gives us valuable insight on how to live and what to dress ourselves with…1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God… 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience… 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
These are the treasures we should pray for, put on, and practice. We have the freedom to decide what to wear and how to wear it. The gifts quoted in 1 Peter and Colossians never lose their value and they never go out of style. They are the timeless and precious treasures on the inside of our cup that make the outside of your cup clean as well (Matthew 23:26). Rather than expose our fleshly assets, we are called to dress ourselves with these godly assets instead. We can make the choice to put them on every single day. They are the epitome of beauty in its truest form, because they inspire a life of sacrifice. Just as Jesus did, we are to “offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, and pleasing to God (Romans 12:1).” When we do so, we will no longer fight the wonderful bodies and image that God has given us. We will see that all of our joy, worth and identity come from a heart that rejoices in the heart of the Lord. The holy women of the past had an unfading beauty because they had such a love for their Maker (1 Peter 3:4). They kept the Lord as the center piece of their hearts and brought all glory and attention to him. This blog post is not condemnation to women, but it is a call to the Holy Spirit’s conviction. It is a God given call to defy the silence, and honestly acknowledge our struggles and wrongs as women. It is a call to repent of our sins, bring them to the cross, receive God’s grace, and live in spirit and truth (John 4:23)
Camara Bensinger
Camara Bensinger is the founder of Multi Cultural Bible Study at the University Of Tampa and is one of the most powerful spiritual leaders on campus. Her capacity to love on many girls a week and giving her time to multiple women a day who need spiritual guidance, or a listening ear makes her a light on the college campus. The passion and conviction that Jesus gives her allows us as a community to better understand the world that we live in and the honest struggle that it takes to live righteously.
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